Snow White looks at herself in the mirror and puts on sunscreen. She makes sure she has it on her ears. Last time, she forgot them and spent a week with red burning ears. Snow White walks to the fruit shop. Passed the apple season, which always makes her feel inexplicably nauxious, she feels reasonably well. Snow White works the whole day as a cashier. When the evening comes, she catches a bus to night school. She studies to be a nurse. "It's easy to get a job!", said one of her aunts. But what she really wanted was to be a veterinarian. She had always had a way with animals. Snow White saves money. She does not eat anything during class breaks. Midnight, when she gets home, there is a plate of rice and beans saved for her in the fridge. She fries an egg. She eats and passes out. Such a heavy slumber she doesn't even know how she manages to get up the following day. Snow White saves the money from the snacks she doesn't eat at school and dreams to visit a castle in Germany. She saw it once on a magazine. Snow White wakes up for another day. She takes a shower, looks at herself in the mirror and puts on sunscreen.
I feel I upset many people. Maybe it is something I do, but the feeling I get is that what upsets them is the way I live, the choices I make. People get upset with me when they hear I don't believe in God. If I tell them that I once did, but have lost my faith after I lost my first child, a premature baby, they fail to grasp the complexity of it. They look at me with irritating condescendent pityful eyes and they think I can be "fixed." To be fair, maybe I fail to help them understand that after what happened to me, God as I came to know it and most people of Christian beliefs do, is of no use to me. God proved himself either nonexistent or useless to me when my first born died and when I almost followed him due to Eclampsia and Hellp Syndrome (Go ahead and google it! Unless you are doctor or had someone in the family who had this, you will never know it.) He did not save my baby and he did not spare me the excruciating suffering I had to endure. And if you think I...
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