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All the faces I've loved


All the faces of men I've loved
visit me in the quiet night of my noisy brain
All the ones I once loved
and came to hate
or forget
or pretend to have forgotten
Lost in the cloud of indifference 
I've carefully created

All of them come back 
filling the emptiness 
of my broken beaten banal heart
In this quiet night of my crowded noisy brain

They march firmly towards me
stop and stare
Inches away
and shoot their questions
right between my shortsighted eyes
Why?
Why not?
How much?
How little?

They give me no time to answer
They move and vanish
like ghosts of the Christmas past
Some fierce and revengeful 
pass on the judgement they've held in long

You! They shout
Too bold!
Too coward!
Too hot!
Too cold!
Too little!
Too much!

I try to touch a face or another

I remember them
Especially the ones I've hidden so well from myself
"Hey, look at you!
I thought you were no more!"
I remember
Their certainties and fears
their smiles of welcome
their smirks of unwanted goodbyes

I want to say:
I have loved you
To some of them
I want to say:
I have hated and loved you
To one or another:
Won’t you to stay a little longer?

There is no time
And like the white sweet smoke 
of a Narguilé pipe
they are all gone

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Comments

  1. UnknownSeptember 6, 2018 at 11:24 PM

    Here's what was strong for me: "Too bold! / Too coward! / Too hot! / Too cold! / Too little! / Too much!" It made me think of how we as women get the message over and over and over again, that it is MEN's perceptions OF us that define us. NOT!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lorena Sales dos SantosSeptember 13, 2018 at 4:57 AM

      Thank you so much for reading it and giving me feedback! It makes me happy to know you found strength in this piece. Hope you drop by again! :-)

      Delete
  2. Claudia GregoriJanuary 30, 2019 at 5:29 AM

    Funny, my memories of all the men I loved are blank canvas. I'm not a painter, so they will continue to be blank canvas, in eternal indifference, for I have no wish to paint on those memories.

    ReplyDelete

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