"It's ok to be in pieces!", I told myself today. It's ok to be in pieces as long as you still have a core. As long as there is still a thread connecting the fragments of you. It doesn't even have to be a thick thread, you know? Any thread will do.
A while ago, I saw a quote by Emma Watson, the young Harry Potter's Hermione, and she was saying that she finally knew who she was. "Wow!", I thought at first, "She's so young and already knows who she is! I'm 43 and I have no idea!" That quote haunted me for a while. It remained in the back of my mind. It made me look back at the paths I've walked, the crossroads and corners I've stood at, contemplating traffic, speeding up or slowing down, the steep roads I had to struggle to run, or drag myself through, and the many moments I've remained there, contemplating green and red traffic lights, simply refusing to budge.
I remembered sometimes too when I really knew who I was. They did last for a while until I did not know anymore. "That's probably where Emma Watson must be!", I thought. She now knows who she is. What she doesn't know, yet, is that this knowing is temporary.
The knowing who you are is temporary if you have a searching soul, if you make questions, if you look for answers. The more answers you find, the more questions you have. The more you walk, the more places you go to, the more music you listen, the more books you read, the more you change, if you have a searching soul. The more people you meet, the more you carefully listen, look, talk, the more you are not you anymore and the more you are the core of you still.
Contemplating this picture I took a while ago, I can see that I'm not even the same that took the picture. Then, these scattered pieces of a fallen golden leaf moved me, touched me, but there were no words to go with them. Looking at this image, today, the words poured out and I heard this voice telling me: "It's ok to be in pieces!" I understand now that Emma Watson knows who she is and I'm glad she does. I do hope she will be ok too when one day she finds she doesn't. I've known who I was many times. I do not know who I am right now. Perhaps I will never know it again. Except from the core of me, I am these little fragments of many different dreams, loves and lives. And it's ok! It's ok to be in pieces!