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Sobre raiva, culpa e tristeza





Quando a primeira árvore tombou, não me doeu tanto. O ser racional em mim, lembrou: “já era o plano, não tem jeito! A projeção desse prédio um dia ia acontecer.” Foi quando a terceira árvore caiu e eu vi o passaredo voando em desespero que meu coração apertou. Sinto agora culpa por não ter me condoído pela primeira árvore. Passei a semana em dor e raiva por esses seres silentes assassinados diariamente na minha frente. A vontade é de ir lá embaixo e quebrar essa maldita barulhenta serra que destrói o que meu olhar se acostumou a apreciar, minhas vizinhas. 

Os homens, simples e pobres, não têm culpa, mesmo assim tenho raiva deles, coitados. Raiva e pena porque são eles e não os mandantes que têm que ouvir as reclamações, os desaforos dos outros vizinhos mais corajosos ou mais desesperados que eu que vão lá com eles ralhar. Eu fico e fiquei aqui com a minha dor, vendo agora um lindo bando de borboletas amarelas em debandada. 

Em breve não ouvirei mais os pássaros que ouvia, em breve não verei mais as borboletas, em breve será mais baixo e silencioso o canto das cigarras. Eu, com minha tristeza e certo egocentrismo ainda penso: “Puxa, nunca desenhei essas árvores como tanto planejei!”

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