Would you help me if I stopped breathing? You don't care if I live or die, do you? Bring me water, Read me a story! Hire someone to help. Do you think she will die on the operating table? Have you thought of what to do? What will you say to the kids? Would you stay a little longer? Would you hold my hand? Who is the teacher? What are the strategies? Can I get a discount? Did you answer the messages? Did you pay the bills? Did you lock the doors, roll up the windows of the car parked outside? Did you think about that project? And 'bout the prospect of never really being what you intended to be? Did you think about that? Do you worry that more friends of yours may die? Are you afraid you won't be there? Do you text your friends in the morning to secretly check if they are alive? Are you afraid you won't hear her if she actually stops breathing in the middle of the night? Have you dried out? Will you have dementia? Will you know your name? Did you live a happy life? Why are you so afraid? Do you think you're overweight? Do you think you're over it? Do you feel you're overwhelmed? Do you think you're over?
I feel I upset many people. Maybe it is something I do, but the feeling I get is that what upsets them is the way I live, the choices I make. People get upset with me when they hear I don't believe in God. If I tell them that I once did, but have lost my faith after I lost my first child, a premature baby, they fail to grasp the complexity of it. They look at me with irritating condescendent pityful eyes and they think I can be "fixed." To be fair, maybe I fail to help them understand that after what happened to me, God as I came to know it and most people of Christian beliefs do, is of no use to me. God proved himself either nonexistent or useless to me when my first born died and when I almost followed him due to Eclampsia and Hellp Syndrome (Go ahead and google it! Unless you are doctor or had someone in the family who had this, you will never know it.) He did not save my baby and he did not spare me the excruciating suffering I had to endure. And if you think I...
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