Tiana (En Español)

Tiana salió de la escuela, cargada de cuadernos, 200 redacciones para corregir durante el fin de semana. Tiana hace maestria y queria enseñar a los alumnos a escribir otra cosa que no sea disertación. No puede! "Tiene que enseñar lo que és util!" respondió la directora. En la universidad le dijeron, una vez, que limpiara el baño que estaba muy sucio. "No trabajo aquí!" En el trabajo ya le pidieran café. "Queda allá en aquella mesa." Tiana da la espalda y no da tiempo para justificativas y disculpas. Ya sintió mucho dolor. No más! Ahora lo que siente es algo como un desprecio.

En casa, pide comida del restaurante de la esquina. Detesta cocinar! Entra en su cuarto colorido, paredes azules, mesa amarilla de frente para un ventanal, silla roja, y se sienta para corregir las 200 redacciones. Oye el croar de los sapos allá fuera. Tiana tiene mucho asco de sapo. Oye un jazz instrumental y comienza el trabajo. Media hora y se duerme encima del montón de textos iguales.

Despierta con el sol quemando el rostro. En cinco minutos toca el despertador. Tiene clase. Necesita correr. Sale con el pelo mojado. Entra en el ascensor, da buen día. "Tiene un ascensor de servicio, vió?" "Yo vivo aquí!" Da un paso adelante. Vuelca los ojos y se pega a la puerta. La puerta abre. Tiana sale primero. No mira para atrás. El sol golpea en el rostro, el viento sacude su cabello, Tiana vá.

Comments

I upset people (This may be the first of a series)

I feel I upset many people. Maybe it is something I do, but the feeling I get is that what upsets them is the way I live, the choices I make. People get upset with me when they hear I don't believe in God. If I tell them that I once did, but have lost my faith after I lost my first child, a premature baby, they fail to grasp the complexity of it. They look at me with irritating condescendent pityful eyes and they think I can be "fixed." To be fair, maybe I fail to help them understand that after what happened to me, God as I came to know it and most people of Christian beliefs do, is of no use to me. God proved himself either nonexistent or useless to me when my first born died and when I almost followed him due to Eclampsia and Hellp Syndrome (Go ahead and google it! Unless you are doctor or had someone in the family who had this, you will never know it.) He did not save my baby and he did not spare me the excruciating suffering I had to endure. And if you think I...

The child that did not stay

I remember expecting a child that never came, a child I never held in my arms. I remember expecting a child who would have his father's hair, his kind eyes. He would be curious of the world and I would follow closely all the things he would see with enchanted eyes. Everything would be new for his new eyes. Those were the words of a song about someone else's child, a song I used to listen to while waiting for this child. I remember dreaming of his future, of his smiles. I remember my hopes for him. He did not want me, this child. He did not stay. He was not interested in the playground in front of the building we live. He was not interested in having my hand holding his while he walked his first steps. He did not care about the flowers, leaves, little dry sticks that fall from the trees in our neighbourhood. He did not want to listen to the slightly out of tune lullabies I was going to sing or the stories I would read at bedtime. He did not even care for the milk, all th...

No espelho

Olhei hoje para o espelho e me vi mais serena, me enxerguei com mais leveza. Não que esteja de fato mais leve, eu acho. Ou será que estou? Tenho ainda infinitas incertezas e dúvidas aos milhares, mas a imagem que me olhou de volta do espelho, não me olha com tristeza, dor pânico. A imagem que vejo nesse espelho é de calma, no olhar certa paz, talvez de se entender humana, imperfeita e aceitar essa condição. Aqui, deste lado que estou, me observando no espelho, sinto ainda o coração encolher como se uma mão o quisesse esmagar. Encolhe-se para sobreviver e expande-se em seguida. Ao encolher-se, a respiração dá uma pausa e uma bolha de cristal sobe em refluxo, pausando ali no meio da goela. Assim que pode, o coração retorna a seu pulsar, seu ir e vir. Permanecem ali as dúvidas, as exigências, as demandas, mas também os desejos de só ser, irresponsavelmente ser e atender a cada quimera. Porque a vida é curta! A vida é sopro! E o ...

Inner Babel / Babel Interior

Search This Blog